Meet People With Herpes. Herpes dating services have been around since the Internet was invented, thanks to a powerful social stigma that makes disclosing your STI status a frightening prospect for many of us. Please do not read this essay as judgmental. I want to address the companies that profit off of them. One of the first emails Hsv herpes dating sites received when I went viral way back in April was from a woman claiming to work for PositiveSingles.
She wanted me to become a spokesperson, and when I refused, someone higher up in the food chain emailed me again.
I politely declined for a second time. But then the same thing happened again with another STI dating and then another, and another. A booming app industry in Silicon Valley means that new STI dating services pop up every few months, Hsv herpes dating sites a cursory Google search means that their marketing team, or their founder, or their intern, quickly discovers me.
Let me be very clear: I will never endorse an STI dating site. Here are a few basic reasons. As time goes on and stigma lessens, there will be less of a demand for these services. Herpes dating apps rely on, profit from and contribute to the social stigma that I am absolutely against.
We are not on the same side of this war. They reinforce the impulse of scared, raw people to hate themselves and hide from the rest of the world.
These websites enable the self-segregation of the H community in a way that I believe contributes to our invisibility and inertia. They say to the rest of the world that we belong apart, that we are less than, that we are a hilarious PositiveSingles punch line.
They send a progressive message to no one. Denying that is intellectually dishonest. Some of these websites claim Hsv herpes dating sites empower their customers. Maybe some people use them as a transitional tool before re-entering the wider dating sphere, and hey, cool, whatever. Good for those people. But they are just as often predatory environments where newly diagnosed men and women but usually women are bombarded with attention. Like other dating services, they can be unsafe spaces for women where harassment and coercion thrive.
When you round up a vulnerable and isolated population, create a community space and fail to moderate it or protect your users, you create a dangerous environment. These folks would be better served by a support community than a dating app. STI dating services are a product of the stigma, not an empowering way out of it.
Not to mention that people with herpes are diverse. Having a minor skin condition in common is a shoddy foundation for a healthy relationship. I think most people who have had herpes for a few years know this too. The only people who ask me about herpes dating sites have just been diagnosed and are still daunted by the idea of disclosing—a fear I encourage them to tackle instead of pursuing these trap door dating sites. Which leads me to my next concern: Some of them bring on consultants in the sexual health world, but only after the fact, and by and large their founders do not come from "Hsv herpes dating sites" community.
These entrepreneurs may believe Hsv herpes dating sites have our best interests at heart, but they will never understand the stigma as well as someone who lives with it. They do not listen to the needs and opinions of this community, and they take funding and attention away from real efforts to provide treatment and testing, and to de-stigmatize sexual health.
STI dating services are almost always unethical money-grabs that prey on what seems like a potentially underserved niche market. This Silicon Valley opportunism is antithetical to real social change and progress. They reach out to me, share my posts and my talks on their social media platforms, and contact my fellow activists when I refuse to collaborate with them.
You cannot say your service fights STI stigma when it relies on stigma to exist.
What we need is better sex education and health care, access to therapy and more representation. These companies are nothing but vultures, co-opting the language of activism.
Get my name outcha mouth and get off my lawn. I contracted HSV-1 unknown location in my late 40s. Like other posters, I would rather avoid the worry of passing the virus to someone else by finding someone that already has it. My ex-wife had it, "Hsv herpes dating sites" I never worried about it.
The irony is that I never got it from her after 17 years of marriage…I got it from a casual fling afterwards. Invariably, most of the women I find on the sites have HSV-2 genitally.
So far, ALL of the "Hsv herpes dating sites" in my area are Type 2. I have even been under considerable stress…and nothing. That look hurts me. They have to decide if its worth it? Im like 8 years positive and i Hsv herpes dating sites about the sites, never touched them, but wondered because screw the talk…. Someone with it wont force me to experience that with them. I had sex unprotected and contracted so its my bad.
Anyway, when you tell someone and they accept it, do you simply use antivirals, condoms, or just wait a week if you feel a sore? Thank you for this.
My daughter recently contracted herpes and I was thinking about these sites as a way to support her. I am now looking at them in a total different light. She is a bright outgoing fun person and should not let this stop her in anyway — nor limit her potential friend or dating pool.
Again thank you. I see your point, however I believe that these sites allow individuals the sense of safety in knowing they will not pass this virus onto a partner.
That is all I am looking for. Although women want to be with me despite me disclosing my condition, I can barely fathom the thought that by accident I could possibly pass this virus onto them.
I would much rather find someone with the same virus I have for the mere fact that we can understand one another and feel comfortable with intimacy.
And for the most part, people staying in the herpes-only dating pool is only due to being afraid of having the herpes talk ultimately, fear of rejection. What are we "Hsv herpes dating sites" afraid of? The talk is the scary but everyone knowing and becoming even more secluded is scarier.
But these apps seem to be more fit for people in larger areas which makes it hard. When do you feel a talk to some one you just starting dating or want to date be brought up obviously there might be immediate action in certain situations. Everything you said, yes!!! Everyone should always disclose… however never eliminate someone without herpes a soulmate is a soulmate.
I met a "Hsv herpes dating sites" women from herpes singles, the 1st one liked me, but not my life style, i am bi at times, and i do like to crossdress at times to, but still perfer woman, the 2nd one didnt mind i dabbled, but was afraid i would leve her for a man. You are so right …Every site wants money to do the extra exclusive membership feature. But what makes it harder to find someone is the bull shit App site that want to make a few dollar out of us.