First of all, I'm not a JW, in fact I'm an atheist, or if you really want to be technical about it I'm probably something like an agnostic atheist or
Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses. But, my girlfriend is a JW, she seems very rational about it though, it seems to me that she believes in a lot of it but not exactly all, for instance she does understands and believes in the scientific age of the earth and evolution. When we started dating almost a year ago she made it clear she as religious person.
I never saw that as a problem, it's not like I'm trying to convert her or she's trying to convert me. Yet, soon after she raised a barrier in our relationship, her mother could not know she dated me.
I obviously thought it was strange and even after meeting with her mother as a friend she didn't
Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses me as someone who would raise any problems because of me. I asked her about it from time to time about why not telling her or what the problem was, yet she would avoid the subject and gave very vague responses, she wasn't living with her mother at the time so I didn't insist and gave her time. I knew something was off but I could really get the gist of it.
Fast forward to today and she is now living with her mother again and because she doesn't want to raise suspicion about us our relationship as been affected by it.
I kept digging and I finally found out why not from herthe truth is, I didn't know much about the JW religion and Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses think she never told me everything for the fear of losing me. Her mother is also a JW and very "into it", she is afraid of losing all contact from her and even kicking her out of home. This is because she knows that if she tells her mother about me her mother will definitely inform her congregation and ask for her disassociation.
I read something online about "fading" away from the religion to avoid all the shunning Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses stupid behavior but she can't because of her mother. You see, I was oblivious to the whole disassociation thing and I even feel a bit cheated because she never told me about it, at the same time I understand her fear. I don't know if her mother could possibly kick her out of the house but after what I've been reading online about it everything seems possible.
I love this girl but I don't know what to do or what to recommend to her. We are always in this state of hiding from her mother and not only it's affecting the time we spend together but also now she started giving me these petty little lies about why she can't be with me to avoid discussing about her mother.
I have a job and live by myself, she is still starting with that part, she doesn't know when she'll be financially independent.
What do you think about the situation? Do you know of cases where people got kicked out of their home because of disassociation? What would you do in my situation or in hers? I have been a non believer all my life and married a JW 22 years ago. She is still in the organization and I am very much against it.
We have a happy family where both have had a say. She planted the religion, and I planted the desire for higher education in our children's mind. In retrospect, had I known this religion better 15 years ago, I would have never allowed the indoctrination. These are different times. Information for you and your girlfriend is available everywhere. It will help make better decisions and plan your future better.
The main thing is that you research all you can about this religion and Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses it can affect your long term relationship with your girlfriend. If I can summarize it in few words, then: Best advice I can possibly give you is to cut bait and walk away.
She's in a cult that controls just about every aspect of her life. There are many "unbelieving mates" on this forum that are here because they married an inactive JW that rekindled their cult involvement in this way.
Since many folks in your position tend to brush off the above advice, your next best hope is to read Combating Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan to get a better idea of what you're dealing with and try to help her to wake up
Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses the cult indoctrination.
Once you've read through that you can use sites like this one and jwfacts. This is likely to be a large investment for you and is in no way guaranteed to work. She's already shown that she'll put the cult and her mother ahead of you, so there's no reason to believe that she'd course as you try to expose the cult.
Most likely she'll become very cold and push you away, which is why my best advice is to move on. If she's having sex with you or anyone she's not married to and that is discovered, she will be "disfellowshipped" and shunned by all JWs. Since she was raised as a JW, that means that she will probably be shunned by just about everyone that she's ever had a close relationship with since she's dating you she's clearly a little more liberal about outside relationships, but I would hazard the guess that you're the exception, not the rule.
Evolution is also a kinda weak point for her to be liberal on - most JWs don't put enough thoughts into their beliefs to realize that if evolution is true it completely unravels their doctrine. You may also be mistaking her acceptance of so-called "microevolution" for a real understanding of the issues. JWs believe in the global flood of Noah's day as literal and believe that afterward god introduced variation in the species to get from the limited population on the ark to what we have now.
My point in saying this, though, is that she may seem somewhat reasonable about certain issues, but if you demonstrate that they show the cult doctrine to be false then she will almost certainly recant what she's said and burrow deeper into the cult. In relation to sex we do have something, everything is normal with the exception of actual penetration. I didn't thought to be much of a problem because some people take a long time to be prepared for that and I didn't mind waiting for a marriage even if I don't believe in any of that.
I feel like I'm
Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses to try my best to clear her mind but I don't even Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses where to start, I already know about jwfacts and it was even that website that got me here.
But just exposing her to their practices problems doesn't seem to be enough. If anyone else has more to share please do, I'm even considering showing her this thread. Well, first of all JWs are only allowed to 'date' within their faith and even then its with a view to marriage. So what she has done - dating a 'worldly' person - that is one who is not a JW - is a big No No. She can get into trouble for this but perhaps not disfellowshiped if things haven't gone too far - that is being excommunicated which is not the same as disassociation where one chooses to leave by their own accord.
However, if she has been dancing the 'tango' with you in the bedroom, or petting the one-eyed snake she is in a heap of trouble and can be disfellowshipped. This can be a very traumatic experience for her and her family. If one's daughter or son is disfellowshipped and continues to practice 'wrong doing', JW parents may ask her or him to leave the household. Particularly if there are siblings since they are now 'bad apples'.
She could essentially be cut-off from her family, JW friends and left to fend for herself. Its a frightening prospect especially if you are a 'born-in' and all your friends and family are JW.
It has driven some to suicide! So the question is, does she want to Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses JW over you? But she will continue to attend meetings in silence and accept her 'reproof'. After perhaps a year or so, she will get 're-instated' and will have her family and friends back.
This will be the end of the line for your relationship so both Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses you may decide to have an amicable break-up. If she chooses you over the JW religion, then she may 'disassociate' herself which is a clean-break. Her family and friends won't talk to her anymore but she will have you. Or she can try 'fading' - this is when one slowly disassociates from every day JW activity such as meetings, service but still is a JW in the books.
But if found out for wrong doing, said person can be disfellowshipped. This is possible but requires careful planning and moving away to an area where no body knows you for a fresh start.
Risky maneuver especially if she wants to keep in touch with her family. How much do you love her?
Is marriage perhaps on the pipe-line? There is a way for her to have her cake and eat it too. However, she will need to come clean with the elders and get disfellowshipped. She goes through her 'reproof' and you continue your relationship and get married to her during this period. She then 're-instated' as a JW and gets to associate with her family and friends.
They will associate with you since you are both married "Atheist dating a jehovahs witnesses" as an 'unbelieving' mate and you will get love bombed by the congregation in the hope you get converted. Just keep it sweet, attend the once a year memorial, the sunday of the annual JW convention and things will be cushti. Your girlfriend is a very special kind of JW if she believes in evolution and are at all interested in a non-jw let alone an atheist; this suggests she is not fully "in" her religion but has doubts and may leave or fade out of the religion in the future.
I wouldn't just advice you to leave her that's certainly not what I did!