In this weekly advice column, Psalm brings her expertise to sexual and relationship issues most people face at one time or another. My boyfriend comes too quickly. How can I teach him to pace himself? We have a really great emotional connection, and I don't want to break up with him, but I am sexually frustrated most of the time.
The good news is it's probably not the medical definition of premature ejaculation. Premature ejaculation, which is 2nd job quest guide tantra sexual health form of erectile dysfunction, "2nd job quest guide tantra sexual health" when a man ejaculates before or within about a minute of penetration. Primal nature has played a funny trick in that men and women are built to experience pleasure and orgasms differently. For women, the opposite is true — sex that lasts longer will give them the opportunity to experience more pleasure and multiple orgasms.
For this to occur, most men will have to adjust their mindsets. They need to be of the mind that they will get more pleasure from holding back their orgasm and pleasing their partner longer before they reach their own release. This is not easy and takes strong willpower. It requires him to hold back, no matter how strong his urge to release is. The first step to solving this problem is to be honest with your partner. Have a conversation about how to fix it.
He's probably going to be embarrassed or might even pick a fight, so just muster up all the love, patience, and kindness you have.
Come to him with love and discuss the tips I'll explain below. Explain that you want to make your sex life even better, and explore more with him, instead of making him feel something is wrong. This isn't all the man's responsibility, though. Women can also learn how to control their own arousal and more closely match your partner's excitement level. What I love about tantra is it has great tools to help men and women find a meeting point to slow down and match each other's arousal levels.
At that point, "2nd job quest guide tantra sexual health" can begin to play with going faster and slower and becoming more sexually intuitive. Tantra is all about going slow and, like with yoga or meditation practices, it's called a practice for a reason. It does take practice, which takes patience and time. When people say they've had tantric sex for four hours, they don't typically mean they're having intercourse for four hours. What they are doing is prolonging penetration and prolonging the orgasm for as long as possible to build true excitement in body and mind through breath work, meditations, non-touching foreplay, and genital foreplay.
Of course, foreplay starts in our minds. Connecting with your partner emotionally and spiritually is step one in learning to slow it down.
I like to start by setting a sexy, sensual scene because it creates a space that you want to spend a lot of time in. If you 2nd job quest guide tantra sexual health your bedroom with candles, incense, and sexy or romantic music — engaging all of your senses — he might be more relaxed and inspired to really savor every step of the way.
After you've set the mood, try out the tantra Yab-yum meditation. Yab-yum is a Tibetan term that translates to "father-mother" and is symbolized by two Buddhas in a seated position with the woman seated on top of the man straddling him with her legs wrapped around him.
Start by sitting up straight, cross-legged, and in front of each other with your hand on each other's heart, looking into each other's eyes. Hold eye contact and breathe together, slowly, in unison.
Breathing like this is also a way to practice relaxing, slowing down, and being in the moment, instead of looking to the end game. It might feel awkward at first.
But try to get past that and really feel your partner's heartbeat and connect to his breathing. You might notice his heart is beating fast at first, but after a few minutes in this position, it will slow down.
This feeling of going from anxious and excited or even nervous to calm is what we want him to feel later when you start to have sex, so this is good practice. Once you've settled in, caress each other with a featherlike touch, but not on the genitals. If it starts to turn him on and he tries to take it further, slow him down by telling him to just keep touching your arm, your neck, or between your breasts.
This also teaches him to start savoring every touch, even though it's arousing for both.
The second position in Yab-yum is sitting on his lap with your knees over his legs, which draws you closer. This might excite him too, but keep up the breath work, eye contact, and gentle, featherlike touching. After a few minutes, move into the third position, in which you straddle him fully with your legs wrapped tightly around him — chest-to-chest, heart-to-heart, and genitals-to-genitals.