Our youngest was just months at the time she started this affair and she was taking extra time away from the family to be with him. When I demanded she cut if off with him, she left the house and abandoned the children.
Since leaving the house, she has been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for unspecified issues. In the past couple of weeks, she has been contacting me asking if we are really over at this point. A few years before, she had an emotional affair with the typical phone calls, sexting and exchanging nude pictures with a military coworker in He was married with a new baby girl at the time. She claimed they never had any physical relations although I think I ended up noticing before it could turn physical.
I contacted him and he confirmed her account. He apologized sincerely, stated if there was one thing he could take back it would be this, and that it changed him. My wife and I went to counseling a few times, worked on the marriage, and she quit her job in the military. She remained unemployed until she took the job above that led to her affair with her boss.
Unbeknown to me until a few weeks ago, she began her most egregious affair just one-year after our honeymoon in early I deployed overseas with the military one-month after our oldest boy was born.
When our oldest was just 6-months old, she began leaving him in the care of others and going out drinking and partying. In the course of those actions, she began an affair and became pregnant that same month by another military coworker.
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She had an abortion the following month while the OM drove her to the clinic and our child was left in daycare. She continued to see the OM during the entire time I was deployed and was actively seeing him both before and after my mid-tour leave, which was about half-way through my deployment.
She finally cut it off about two-weeks before I returned.
She Apologizes Many Times
The OM also claimed to have stayed in our house, slept in my bed, and laid next to my wife when I would call her from overseas. The OM probably saw our child more than I did that year and he certainly slept with her more than I did. All of this was kept a secret for over 4-years until I made some phone calls and her military reputation caught up with her. Apparently the rumors were rampant in the unit because he talked.
When first confronted, she adamantly denied the affair but I had significant proof to refute it. Finally, in the face of the evidence and his admission, she had to admit the affair.
Want to add to the...
The affair hurt, but I was completely shocked by the infidelity with her boss in and then devastated by the revelation of the affair so soon after the marriage, the pregnancy, and how she was able to keep the secret for so long. It has been a horrific and traumatic past three months.
I have learned that the image and vision I had of our marriage never truly existed. I also learned that she was the OW to a MM with three children the year before we began dating.
My gut tells me that...
That marriage ended in divorce because of his affair with her. Basically, in every job or military assignment since high-school, she has slept with a coworker. She also has never been honest, has lied constantly, has shown very little remorse over her actions, and has not been empathetic to the people she has hurt. I have filed for divorce, have temporary custody of our boys, and believe I will be better off without her.
I originally wanted to work on the marriage but she refused and then I learned of the affair. That transgression galvanized me to follow through and convinced me I was making the right decision. Share Share this post on Digg Del. Do not take her back and use the leverage you have in divorce court.
She will never change and this will keep happening over and over again. Get yourself a good lawyer. I
My wife had an affair and wants me back that you need to leave at this point. Ask your My wife had an affair and wants me back to get some individual counseling as she has issues with her self esteem and needing to feel validated by those in a superior position than her. You do not want her to continue to have these types of behavioral patterns if she is to have contact with children.
I am sorry for your situations and wish you the best. The hardest step is usually the first one. You sound like you have your head on straight. She is a serial cheater who has unprotected sex and puts your health at risk for STD's time and again.
I am sure there is more to the story that you know. It would not be a bad idea to have a paternity check on all of your children. Your wife has no problem using you and playing you for a fool.
You need to divorce and get this self destructive toxic woman out of your life. You are doing the right thingyour mge. Originally Posted by cavedweller. Anyway better late than never. You better take a paternity test on all your kids.
But recently I've found out...
Good luck mate and hope your nightmare would be over after the divorce. S For no reason whatsoever never take her back nor leave the kids with her.
She seems potentially harmful to your kids and you. I took mine back after 3 only to eventually suffer through affair 4. Don't continue to waste precious time like I did. It will be very tough at first but time heals and you'll eventually come out stronger with your dignity rediscovered.
Seriously, been there done that. Wish I had received similar advice a long time ago. Get a new life. Find someone who will love you faithfully. She is going to "My wife had an affair and wants me back" to come back, because you are the safety net.
Always have been, however that wasn't your fault. You were not the reason why she cheated, she's a 'serial-cheater' and it's often due to major emotional issues that happened earlier in her life.
Either the lack of attention giving to her, her need for approval or maybe her being afraid to get close to someone emotionally. Who knows, that's for her and her counselor to figure out. What stands out in all of this, is that she got an abortion. I won't go on a soap box, but to take an innocent baby's life because she didn't want to be 'caught' shows no remorse, no conscious.
If you do take her back she'll never confront her problems, if you divorce then 'her problems' will have her cornered and will finally
My wife had an affair and wants me back to hit her. It's upto her to want to change her life.
You can't fix her, she would've done this to anyone she was married to. You need to take care of yourself and your kids. Put them as priority. Don't treat her mean or yell. Your kids will respect you more for it. They've already seen enough hurt and betrayal what they are looking for is security. Kids don't want to see their parents in dismay so be gentle but firm with your wife and the divorce. Explain to the kids that you are not divorcing mom because you don't love
My wife had an affair and wants me back, but that some people get sick in their head and that for now the way for her to get better is to be on her own and get the help she needs.
It will be hard for them to understand, make sure they know it's not their fault. Your wife needs very serious help and I hope she gets it. For yourself, plan some short term goals for yourself, start doing things for you and the kids. Make sure you don't fall into a depression. Alot of us have been involved with a cheating spouse, it's not fun but one thing in common we can all agree that it's 'not our fault' and it's nothing we did to cause them to cheat.
Originally Posted by AWM Thanks for the comments and advice. All of it seems pretty unanimous about her fitness as a wife and as a mother. I do believe I was her safety net and her meal ticket. As Bryanp mentions, there is more to the story. Some additional insight includes: She is 17 years younger than me. Her MM from is about 20 years older than her. Her married boss that she slept with in is about 14 years older than her.
But recently I've found out she had an affair to get back at me and now I She wants me to leave my wife and be with her but I said I could not.
It can be very hard moving forward in your marriage after your wife's affair. she' ll be able to articulate why she wants forgiveness and wants to stay in the marriage.
Related: How to Win Back a Cheating Wife: These Strategies Can Help This does not make it your fault, but knowing why your wife had the affair can help. I caught my wife cheating six weeks ago and I still love her but I'm struggling to move. Why should I take her back after she hurt me so much?. real for her and i know she just wants to bury it, but why should it be about her?.
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