You may not have set out to fall in love with a married man, but there are times in life when even the most intelligent women find their emotions getting the better of them.
Loving and dating a married man can be extremely painful and seldom works out well. But this article is not intended to judge anyone or tell you to "just dump him! How many men do you know who are ruining their lives because of a woman?
Now, how many women do you know who have sacrificed all for a man? Women need to think and act the way men do to find happiness. Men never put their relationships first. At least moderately successful men don't. That is why they are happier than women are. Women have a tendency to meet a guy and then focus their entire lives on him.
They will stop thinking about attending school or put business plans on hold after meeting someone who sweeps them off their feet.
This is a bad idea even if the guy is not married. But if he is, you have truly just shot yourself in the foot because you have given up a piece of yourself for a someone who belongs to another. You will become more and more resentful over time. Look at your lover boy for what he is and control your emotions.
If he is obviously lying to you to keep you available to him, consider if the relationship is worth your time or not. If he can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or buying you a home, then you have gotten something to show for your time.
It's a matter of being honest with yourself.
If he is married and has no intention of leaving his wife, then he may have been dating many women over the years. Usually when a man has this pattern, he dates the woman until she begins to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps her, finds another woman to "How to get out of dating a married man" with before getting rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat.
The truth is, a guy will string you along as long as you will let him. It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of. Ask yourself this question: I am not being judgmental here. But if your guy plays with you for free and then goes home to his wife and plays the husband while you sulk, you are only torturing yourself and being a hooker who works for free.
To be wise and economical, it's time to ask your "boyfriend" to help you out How to get out of dating a married man. This way when the time comes that you are not together anymore, at least he helped you pay your mortgage. Before you go off on a rant about how expecting or wanting money or gifts is prostitution and that it's all about the love here, remember that dating a married man is not exactly moral either.
The difference here is at least you are not being raked over the coals as you would be if you simply smile and put out like a good girl. You must be realistic here and accept that what you are involved in is risky in many ways. One of the things that often destroys women in your situation is the shock of suddenly being dumped because of something that is happening in his marriage, or because of stress that you are causing him at home.
Believe me, when this happens, having that extra money invested will lead you to think, "At least I got something out of it. I know you are probably thinking that you are in a unique and different situation because he truly loves you, and you love him, etc.
But that is what they all say, and when stress and reality get involved, people's emotions and decisions tend to be all the same after all. But that is what they all say.
For nine years, my friend Darleen dated a man who was married and now regrets it. Her man told her that he loved her but because he had two How to get out of dating a married man with his wife, he could not leave her.
He also said that he no longer slept with his wife, but that they had an understanding. Darleen would tell me that if he could leave his wife for her, he certainly would and that her man often showed great concern for whether or not she was cheating on him. Yes, love is blind. I found myself angry quite often as I told Darleen that if he loved her he would divorce his wife rather than play this game with her.
Poor Darleen had excuses for everything. She got on her high horse by stating that if a man has kids he can't leave. I happen to have known several highly moral men who divorced their wives even though they had two or three kids.
After the divorce, they took care of their children at least half of the time. The truth is, a man will change his life around and do anything to win you over if he truly does love you.
If he is content to have sex with you and makes no move to make a permanent life with you, then you must understand that he does not see you as being very important.
Or not important enough.
I know that your ego does not want to accept that fact but put the shoe on the other foot for a moment. If you were with a man who you were not having sex with and who you did not love, and you had this man on the side who you truly did love and had a great connection with, would you be content to go home to the man you did not really want, knowing that your lover is single and could easily find someone who is available for him full time?
Men are concerned with having their woman all to themselves. It is actually proof of disinterest on his part if he does not care who you are with and what you are doing. If he sees you as a valuable woman, he will know that other men are after you, and he will want to make sure that he gets you before someone else does.
Darleen made excuses for her married lover for years, and she believed him when he told her that he could not stand his wife and never touched her.
After listening to her talk about their intimate discussions, I figured out that her lover had caught on to the fact that Darleen seemed to accept him going home to his wife as long as he and his wife were no longer sleeping together. Things got a little tricky when his wife suddenly became pregnant. Darleen worked in a building across the street from her How to get out of dating a married man wife and was able to spy on her every so often.
Darleen's guy informed her that his wife had been bugging him for years to have another baby, and he finally gave in.
Not that they were sexual or anything—he explained that in order to touch her, he had to get drunk. The wife had marked the calendar for the day when she was fertile, and they did it just that once in order to have a baby. The lies can be clever and convincing, but I always say, "Assume that the man is lying until you are engaged, married, or something close. If he seems content to let the relationship go on for years as it is, you should see that he is using you for some fun on the side.
So, by all means, date other men. Remember, it's not cheating on your part because he is married. I hear that one a lot.
The married guy says, "Don't cheat on me. Otherwise, you will find yourself rejected by your married lover and you will be left alone.
Date on the side to keep yourself from becoming too attached to this man and to keep reality in perspective. When Darleen finally listened to me and began to see other men, her viewpoint changed dramatically. Her married lover began to only see her for sex. They were meeting in hotels and were meeting in his car after work. Darleen was not even getting a meal out of it.
Sometimes they would "How to get out of dating a married man" to a bar and have a few drinks and then go to his car. When she began putting her photo on dating sites, she felt more powerful because she could see that there were a lot of other guys out there. Some of these guys took her to exciting places, bought her nice gifts, and even offered her spending money. What's the best cure for a man?
The answer is another one! When you have a man abusing your emotions, don't feel guilty about seeing what else is out there. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.
I met this guy in a foreign country. He asked me out, and I was instantly drawn to him before he even spoke to me. I asked straight up if he was married or had kids.