I used to feel embarrassed of this, but have come to realize this is something that many battle with.
My girlfriend in high school was wickedly volatile. She could go from the sweetest, most caring human in the world, to full blown Medusa status within seconds. It was some Dr. Give me a break, we started dating in high school, this was my first serious relationship ever.
I had NO freaking idea what I was doing. Before I learned how to utilize some coping mechanisms however, I had to first understand what it was exactly. It essentially stemmed from two key things: These of course can be exacerbated by the intense feelings we have for our significant other; as the more feelings we develop, the more we think we stand to lose.
So I experimented and did some research and found some coping mechanisms.
Here are a few simple, effective action steps you can take when you feel those insecurities begin to creep in. Very very rarely however, does this inner critic guide us in the right direction. A lot of times, it can lead to out of character controlling behavior as well as feelings of jealousy and neediness. So be aware of the things it is telling you. When those unproductive thoughts do pop up in your head, allow them to come and go.
When I started practicing mindfulness, it helped me detach from that aggravating voice and the shitty, disempowering things it was telling me about myself.
We now know that a healthy body creates better conditions for a healthy mind, and walking has actually been shown to improve reasoning and alleviate feelings of stress. When I came back, I felt calmer, more level-headed and ready to have a composed conversation about whatever it was that was going on with myself, and my significant other at the time. This is really just to write your thoughts and feelings down so you can observe them better.
So allow them to have their voice in your journal, and then you can begin to challenge How to get over being insecure in a relationship. But after awhile it got easier, and it became habit. Journaling gives us the benefit of perspective, it allows us to physically see our thoughts, which then makes it easier to process them and confront them with other, more empowering thoughts and beliefs.
Our insecurities can eat away at us, especially if we internalize them and keep them bottled up. Authentic, dependable friends are extremely hard to come by, so if you have someone who actually listens to you, and offers genuine guidance, hold the fuck on to them.
But during these relationships, whenever I was having an insecure moment, I would confide in him about it and would immediately feel better after our conversations. In my latest relationship, which was long distance, I had moments of insecurity relatively often. But it really worked. As soon as I felt those thoughts start to creep in, I would hit the ground and immediately bust out 25 pushups. And sometimes when I stood up after, I would completely forget why I had felt insecure in the first place.