This site uses cookies. By continuing, your consent is assumed. Learn more

148.9fm shares

Coping with celibacy


Big community funding update! How can I cope with celibacy? October 16, 5: I have no relationship experience, never had sex, never kissed, never held hands, blah blah blah.

I'm not looking for help approaching women, I just need some ideas on how to cope with a life of loneliness. I've basically concluded that the probability of finding a woman who is interested in me is so close to zero that realistically I should expect it never to happen. It's not just a matter of opportunity; today, Coping with celibacy employed in an isolated position with no female co-workers, and the only women I know personally are significant others of male friends, but only a few years ago, when I was in college, I was at least somewhat gregarious and met lots of women.

And yet, anyone I approach has no interest in me. I'm physically very ordinary, or so I think, and I've noticed this pattern when trying to make anonymous, sight-unseen online dating work as well. I'm simply personally unappealing. I'm not angry about it. I've heard so much about 'angry something virgins' that it seems a cliche, but that's not me at all. I'm not blaming anyone other Coping with celibacy myself.

In fact, I think my situation has paradoxically given me a perspective on women that many men my age lack or else my capacity for Coping with celibacy is growing with age. I spend a lot Coping with celibacy time reading anything I can find about relationships, how women experience the world, and how people like me are generally perceived.

Over the past few years I've relegated myself to only seeking companionship over the internet, where my advances can be easily ignored and present only a minor inconvenience, but as I mentioned above, nothing has ever come of it, regardless of how much effort I invest, or how positive and happy I pretend to be. I'm morally opposed to exchanging money for intimacy, so prostitutes, and maybe therapy, aren't options.

Similarly, any kind of relationship that exists "Coping with celibacy" any part due to a large power imbalance in my favor with someone much younger, or of much lower socio-economic status is unacceptable. I realize that there are behavior-modifying drugs that might help, but anything that extreme, that would fundamentally alter my mind, is too frightening to contemplate.

I'm afraid that I'll lose something important, like my creativity or passion for things I value. I've thought about joining a monastery, but I'll never Coping with celibacy the goals I have in my life if I spend it somewhere like that. So, this leaves me in a really unhappy place. I find myself constantly fantasizing, and thinking about sex and love often just trying to imagine the mundane details of hypothetical relationshipsand then feeling terrible when reminding myself that I'll never experience them.

I masturbate, unfortunately a lot, which I doubt is healthy, and it's very hard to do it without some form of pornography I haven't used visual pornography in many years, for moral reasonswhich just leaves me feeling wretched and worthless afterward.

Some days, it's bearable; some days, I actually feel optimistic. I feel like my problem is hopelessly constrained and totally impossible, but I might as well try.

What say you, hive mind? How else can I cope? What is a good strategy? You don't sound like you need strategies for dealing with the fact that you'll never find love, you sound like you need therapy for depression. Paying for a therapist is not "exchanging money for intimacy". I suspect that somehow, at some point in your life, you've been led to believe that the persona you've described is what you are destined to be.

This doesn't need to be the road you follow. You're a drowning man being offered two choices Coping with celibacy think you should reconsider your moral stance on therapy. It may be "money for intimacy," but it's not just that. I'd like to meet a guy like you. High ethical standards, totally articulate, not willing to break down on your values and morals, empathetic although perhaps in a clueless, depression-fueled way towards women, an interest in true love These are all interesting and pretty unique traits!

The problem isn't with you, your looks, your intelligence: But honestly, you are NOT an unappealing man. There are plenty of women who would love a guy like you. How do you know people aren't interested in you? This isn't intended as a patronizing question but as a smoke test. From your post, it sounds like you've intellectually backed yourself into a corner where you've ruled out any possibility of a Coping with celibacy, but it's hard to tell from your post whether that thought process is actually valid.

News feed