By songchick, May 19, in Asexual Musings and Rantings. I used to try and force myself into sexual situations because I was curious about it intellectually. Feelings were tugged at, I violated Asexuals are boring own body without giving a shit, all in the name of trying to be "normal.
Mostly, I had clinical depression as a child, and then I developed schizophrenia in my early 20s which ruined my life, forced me to go on Asexuals are boring. But at this time, I also started a specific drug which has rehabilitated me to normalcy. I am now working full time, and am slated to go to grad school next fall for social work. La la la la.
I longed for intimacy at different times, but when I got hooked up with people, I immediately just turned into another person that I don't like being. Once I cut off the person from my life, normalcy returned to me, and I felt my happy lonely self. I see that with most people, they explore their sexuality with Asexuals are boring.
New people to fuck, or a specific person to get to know. There's nothing to explore, nothing to enjoy, just solitude. Sometimes I get lonely, or I might feel ugly, but then I channel the sadness into working out and I feel complete. Or I'll watch my favorite TV show, Mystery Science Theaterand my intellect fills in the holes where loneliness once resided. I get scared some times. I feel like the "exploration" is a universal thing that Asexuals are boring humans have to go through, so then I pull at straws that don't exist.
My mother actually prefers that I don't have kids because they're expensive. I also get a sadistic kick out of rejecting guys who like me. When I get to know women well, they seem like hormonal nags.
Definitely my mental illness has contributed. People don't really understand the whole experience of what I went through, so even though I'm well now, it's hard to connect with others.
Also I live my life online. I work, which is cool, then I go home. I communicating with words, and non-verbal communication really confuses me.
That is why sexuality is very difficult for me. It is very uncomfortable, and I can't interpret or understand when people flirt with me. I've actually been in dangerous situations Asexuals are boring I was being flirted with, and I then found myself being molested with having no idea how it could have happened.
So I just shoot down compliments whenever I get them now to nip that sort of "friendliness" in the bud. Asexuals are boring people describe their lives as boring as well.
Some are easily bored others not so much. So many push the evelope with, you guessed it, more sex. Or different partners, positions, settings, sexes, attire, group, older, younger, taller, toys, and on and on. Where does it all end? Do you have to be an entertainer now days to be in a sexual relationship?
Sing like Sinatra, dance like Michael Jackson, juggle while twirling flaming batons and reciting Shakespeare? Willing to try almost anything sexually to accommodate your needy narcissistic partner? To me Boredrom is a choice. My generation found stuff to do. No internet access or endless media and entertainment choices like today. Hopefully somebody is just looking for a good and honest and kind partner and Asexuals are boring in life not a court jester.
Just my fucked up opinion. I'm not entirely sure what you're venting about here, so I might be totally off-base Asexuals are boring my response. I kinda feel like if you feel your sexuality is the only interesting thing you have to offer, maybe it's not exactly the lack of sexuality that is where your problem lies. You can't just Asexuals are boring the latter. Yet I run into people like this a lot. I think when men get horny, that becomes the only thing they have to offer.
Also, people act really nonsensically when horny. They act rude and obnoxious. Like they're king of the world and they're offering the glorious gift of sexual attention. Maybe I"ve just known assholes all these years.