Consider this surprising statistic: At least one or both parties in 50 percent of all couples, married and living together, straight and gay, will break their vows of sexual or emotional exclusivity during lifetime of the relationship.
Research shows that half of all couples will experience infidelity in their relationship. Reasons for affairs are many and complicated and outside the full scope of this article. What this article will attempt to address is some of the common factors that can contribute to affairs and what you can do to recover your relationship after an affair, should it fall prey to one.
For poly or open couples, consider an affair to be the bringing in of a third party without mutual consent. Just like a garden, relationships need to be nurtured and tended to.
All too often, the garden of our relationship is left unattended; weeds
Heal my heart sexual issues marriage and plants die due to lack of water and sun i. It is all too easy, especially in child-centered families, for partners to focus on the practicalities of childcare and rearing to the exclusion of their relationship.
The seeds for a future affair can all too easily be sown in the early stages of starting a family! Neglecting your partner and your relationship for the sake of the children does not create a happy family, it creates emotional instability, especially if you or your partner start looking to fulfill your emotional needs outside the relationship. Make sure to devote some time to your relationship, too! It is also easy, especially in long-term relationships, for couples with or without children to start taking each other for granted or fall into the rut of routine.
Affairs are often a misguided way to seek excitement and aliveness. Unfortunately, having an affair will take you away from your primary relationship rather than toward it. In effect, you are starting a new garden somewhere else and leaving your current garden to wither in the dark. Make the effort to occasionally do something fun and different together. It creates intimacy and brings growth and vitality to your relationship. As with gardening, you want to add fertilizer and occasionally turn the soil so that your plants and flowers will flourish.
Still, you could follow all the above suggestions and tend the garden of your relationship with much care and love, only to encounter the threat of an affair springing up like weeds.
As Shirley Glass warns: To really vaccinate your relationship against affairs, Shirley Glass recommends the following guidelines.
In the guidelines below, poly couples may want to replace the word marriage with primary relationship, but be Heal my heart sexual issues marriage Keep the windows opened at home. Put up privacy walls with those who could threaten your marriage. When you travel with a co-worker, meet in public rooms, not a room with a bed.
Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you. If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of your marriage. If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship. If a former lover is coming to a class reunion, invite your partner to come along. If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch alone with an old flame.
Discuss your on-line friendships with your partner and show him or her your e-mail if he or she is interested. You or your partner has an affair.
How can you help your relationship recover?
Most people think that talking about the affair with the spouse will only create more upset, but actually the opposite is true.
Discussing the affair is the way to re-build trust and intimacy. It is important to deliberately focus on dealing with the affair and the fallout, not avoid it. Time and patience are needed to rebuild the shattering of what was once the consensual reality.
Discussing the evolution of the affair and being present for the aftermath allows for integration and understanding. From understanding flows forgiveness, and this is what is needed for partners to become close again. In either case, it is fairly typical for the betrayed partner to have a post-traumatic type of response to the discovery of the affair.
There can be a nearly obsessive need to hear every detail of what happened and how the affair evolved. It is important for the partner who had the affair to answer all these questions, sometimes again and again. It improves the chance of a solid repair. All that being said, the single best indicator of whether a relationship can survive infidelity is how much empathy the unfaithful partner shows for the pain they have caused, when the betrayed spouse is working through their hurt and anger.
Remorse needs to be conveyed in Heal my heart sexual issues marriage verbal and non-verbal ways. Couples do heal and move past infidelity and become stronger as a result.
Repairing breaches in trust requires care and attention from both members of a "Heal my heart sexual issues marriage." The garden of your relationship can only be improved by maintaining and caring for it together.
For those seeking addiction treatment for themselves or a loved one, the MentalHelp. Our helpline is offered at no cost to you and with no obligation to enter into treatment. With that in mind, would you like to learn about some of the best options for treatment in the country?
Need help breaking free from addiction? Are you in transition around your job or relationship? I work with people during important transitions in lives, for instance either starting or leaving Read More Consider this surprising statistic: Other critical ingredients for healing are as follows: The betrayer needs to cut off contact with the third party, at least during the initial repair phase.
This helps create a safe container for healing and trust to be restored. Make a commitment to honesty and ongoing open communication, even when honesty is uncomfortable and inconvenient. For instance, voluntary sharing about even a chance encounter with the third party will help rebuild trust. Allow time to heal and believe it is possible for your relationship to recover.
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If you or your spouse has these problems, saving this kind of marriage could be a mistaken goal. The partner needs to heal, and also to learn alternatives to tolerating the habit. More sex. More shared time and shared projects. More appreciation.
Heal my heart sexual issues marriage. Have been heart broken for the past 2 years after 5 years of marriage.
Adultery, Porn, and Sexual Sin: Healing Your Broken Marriage Adultery cuts into the fragile and vulnerable places of the heart causing indescribable pain and trauma. There was also the issue where I'd physically soiled our marriage after. Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours his or her heart out to you. 4) Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home.